2023 Was, for Me, the Very Definition of Trauma
Too much, too fast, too soon, and (as some sources include) too long for the body, mind, and soul to integrate.
“Be here now and flow forward.”
Words that came to me during my last acupressure session, where we focused on healing the trauma of surgery so that my body could begin to rebalance. I’m officially ten weeks post-op, and my body still can’t tolerate vegetables. The swelling is intense, I’m still getting significantly sore, and I often experience bone-deep fatigue.
The truth is, I feel like a shell of myself.
I’m self-preserving by nature, which is a trait I appreciate, though some would call it detrimental. And it can be at times, especially in certain situations where it puts up walls instead of windows and doors. But that same self-preservation has also kept me upright and in motion during some of the most challenging chapters of my life.
2023 was, for me, the very definition of trauma: too much, too fast, too soon, and (as some sources include) too long for the body, mind, and soul to integrate.
I lost too much, too fast, too soon within the first three months of the year.
I also gained beautiful things, but paired with being so physically unwell, there were aspects of those things that were too much, too fast, too soon, and for too long.
My sole focus was to stay upright and in motion to get to the other side. But for many months, I didn’t know what “the other side” even was until I scheduled my hysterectomy. That became it. The ever-elusive “other side” would finally come, not when I woke up from surgery without a uterus, but when I was through the roughest parts of recovery, able to function again and feel maybe a bit more like myself.